“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm” -Unknown
It is no ones responsibility to be something to someone other than that which they are. You can make a fire, but you do not have to BE the fire, for another. To become the resource for someone rather than teaching them how to access or do it for themself is a hinderance and cumbersome, eventually, for all parties involved. Even parenting, especially Mothering, is more of education in survival, management, and autonomy rather than dependency, although the latter has been the trajectory of many societies as of late. You can give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or you can teach him how to fish and feed him for life. So beautiful! Why would we desire to make others dependent upon us rather than autonomous and capable? Perhaps we are ignorant to the fact that this is what is happening or we have been doing. Perhaps we only repeated what was done for us, for whatever reason, not realizing that in and of itself reflects the ideas just discussed. Do as I do and say; I have all the answers, come to me to receive them. Perhaps the wording is trite, alas it was chosen for effect. Another example that comes to mind is the micromanaging employer or supervisor. Why hire someone to do a job if you’re only going to scrutinize and redo their work, or worse, think for them? Not only does that sound counter intuitive, it almost feels as if people gain value out of being needed, and so they create systems that they sacrifice themselves into to fulfil that role. However it causes critical thinking and self reliance to become vestigial or in other extreme cases, it becomes a compulsive self-reliance and or hypervigilence. All of which are destructive in their own ways, however all stemming from codependency type roles as either the needed or the needer. You are enough, and if that means not burning yourself to a crisp and someone gets cold, so be it. Remember, you are worth more than your actions, especially one so ephemeral as lighting yourself on fire for a moment of warmth. I know it is a metaphor, however I don’t know that it is really that far from the truth of what some people would do for others or for themselves just to feel useful, needed or loved.
On this day, I will recognize my worthiness. I will acknowledge that I am worth more than self sacrifice and abandonment. I will recognize that any time I am doing for others from a place of fear, as in I fear I am not good enough or they will not love me, I am not being authentic or of much service to them in the long run.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼